Flame
by Monkey145
Summary: Sirius Black loves fire, a candle burning or a cigarette. He love the smell, the warmth, the way it dances, and most of all the pain.


Sirius Black was 8 the first time he became entranced by the lovely dance of fire. His mother had often lit candles, (wizard superstition to prevent bad ghosts) but always left them up too insure her children never got burned. He watched the way the flame bent at his breath and nearly went out when he jumped at his mothers voice calling for Kretcher. Sirius' eyes sparkled with the light and he stared longer then he did anything else. He only managed to pull himself away to grab his younger brother, who didn't understand Sirius' fascination. "It's just fire Sirius," Regulus said confused as to why Sirius looked although he was looking at the most gorgeous thing in the world

"it's not just fire Reg," Sirius replied and so Regulus watched the fire with him before he sneezed to hard and it went out.

Sirius was 9 the first time he burnt himself. It wasn't a bad burn but Walburga fretted over it none the less. "Sirius you can't play with fire." She said looking exasperated with her eldest, who didn't even have the decency to looked very ashamed. He didn't mean to burn himself he just wanted to touch the beautiful flame that danced anyway he wished. His fascination had grown until his pictures were filled with painted fires, for his birthday portrait he even begged his parents to put a fireplace in the background (his picture stares at the fire just like Sirius does). Regulus didn't care to pretend to be fascinated anymore, while Sirius was watching fire he was reading or playing with a charmed stuffed toy that told him stories. Sirius stared in wonder at the extinguished candle, the thing he learned to love could hurt him so badly and yet Sirius didn't mind.

Sirius was 11 the first time fire was used to punish him. He had been sorted into Gryffindor, and his parents were red with rage. He had hoped their anger would blow over by Christmas but when he arrived him for the holidays he could tell they were pissed. His parents yelled and Regulus cried quietly but Sirius didn't care, there was a fire burning in their fireplace and he was busy watching it flicker about nervously.

"You're not even listening," his father said before grabbing the poking stick and prodding a log. He grabbed Sirius by his robe and yanked it up, he put the reddened rod against the young boys lower back. Ignoring Sirius' pitiful screams and begging tears. He let go after twelve seconds and left Sirius crying bleeding and in pain.

Sirius was 13 the first time he used fire to self harm. He had been cutting for awhile (especially after some heinous Howlers he got from his mother) and he thought to when he had been burned. He took a few matches and lit one hesitantly he looked at it for so long it burned out and he lit a new one. Sirius was slow to take the flame to his arm but he put it directly under, he felt the skin burn and with it his worries. Sirius Black found a new love, in his own pain.

Sirius was 15 the when his friends figures it out. He wasn't being careful, they all ignored him anyway after his prank. He had locked the bathroom door but not charmed it to ward people off so he shouldn't've been so surprised when it opened with him putting a cigarette out on himself. He looked up in horror at the teenaged boy standing at the wooden door, he was pathetic sitting on the ground with his sleeves rolled up reveling scars that overlapped some fresh others years old. The boy stared at Sirius a long time and Sirius at the boy who used to think knew him, but now James wasn't so sure. He slammed the door and Sirius looked at his arm before yanking his sleeve down and using a concealer spell.

It was only a few hours before James finally managed to corner Sirius. He had him at the back of the library and Sirius was pretending to read.

"Sirius we need to talk," James said "about you know." He continued when Sirius didn't even acknowledge him. "You can keep doing this Sirius, you need to stop. Please just talk to me." Sirius didn't even glance towards his friend who was worriedly running his hands through his hair. "Please Sirius, think about it for me." James finished and walked away leaving Sirius feeling surprisingly sad that his friend didn't try more. But nothing would keep him from his flame.


End file.
